“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

-Helen Keller

If you don’t know much about Helen Keller, do a quick Wikipedia search on her and read up, she’s truly an inspiration. For someone like her to grab onto life and refuse to allow her circumstances to dictate how she’s going to experience the world is absolutely amazing. To her, life was a daring adventure, and she wouldn’t accept anything less.

So where does that leave us?

Typically we’ll read or hear of people doing some really amazing things in the world, then we’ll sit and think about how we would love to “be able to” do great things too, and then we go on about our day as if it were an insignificant thought. Why do we do that? We do it because we think it’s out of reach. We do it because we’re afraid of letting go of what we have. We do it because we’re afraid of the unknown. We do it because we don’t know what we want to do with our lives.

I once read this quote that will stick with me always:

“If a man knows not what harbor he seeks, any wind is the right wind.” -Seneca

If you don’t know what you want to do with your life, that’s okay, but it’s not okay to do nothing with it. Just try something new! Venture out into the unknown and see what happens. I have a lot of friends in the blog industry who have left their home town, state, or even country (like myself) and are out in the world discovering themselves…and discovering a lot of cool stuff along the way. Life’s secrets are discovered through doing, not thinking. I’m not saying that you should uproot yourself completely, but I am saying that you should at least pull some of the roots up and plant them somewhere that causes you to be on a daring adventure through life!

If you’re in school, stay there and finish. Don’t be someone who doesn’t finish something that they start, it will haunt you (and that goes for any task, large or small). If you’re in a job you don’t like, don’t just quit, be strategic about it. Put your resume out there, go interview, and land another job before you leave your current one. If you’re just in a funk or depressed, read this, and pull yourself out, the world needs you to be happy. I want you all to be happy and to live a life you love, there’s no reason not to. It may take some time, but it will happen if you stick with it, trust me.

So what are you going to do? I want to know, seriously. Tell me in the comments below, allow yourself to be accountable. Say it with confidence and do it.

“Be self-reliant and your success is assured.” -Author Unknown

New Year, New Lies. No, I’m not pessimistic, nor realistic, just throwing something out there.

We like to make New Year Resolutions every year so that we can try to make this year better than the last. We know that it only lasts a few weeks for most people, and there are a few who stick it out a bit longer. But for the most part, it is forgotten amongst the other “more important” responsibilities that we impose upon ourselves. We think that work, children, eating, etc are more important than the things that we truly want for ourselves. I’m not talking about the material things, so don’t go buying a new car instead of saving for your child’s education fund! I’m talking about those personal things that we truly want to accomplish for ourselves.

Yours might be to lose weight, get a new job, be a more responsible person, stop lying so much, have more integrity, be a “better” girlfriend/boyfriend/son/daughter/parent, etc. Instead of making it a huge obstacle that needs to be overcome, realize that you’re already standing at the end of your goal. Think about what that new you would say/do/think/eat and become that person. We can change our mindset in an instant, and if we revert back to our old ways, we can just change it again. The mind is so powerful and we rarely use it for our own benefit.

If you want to lose 20 lbs. pretend that you’ve already accomplished it. Really feel the emotions and thoughts that you’d have, feel the confidence, and feel the energy. Then go do what you need to do (workout, eat well, etc). Take it slow, moment by moment. Don’t make such a big deal out of it. When we make it a big deal we put up a huge wall, and then we just give up because it’s too big of an obstacle. The truth is that when you are 20 lbs. lighter, you won’t eat crap food and you’ll feel like you need to go do some exercise in order to gain energy. That’s why you need to put yourself in that mindset before you work out and eat food.

If you want to stop lying so much, realize that you’re already someone of high integrity who understands that even the smallest of lies (no matter how much it might hurt someone’s feelings) is hurting you and the other person in the end. The first thing you need to do is become aware in the moment you’re telling that lie, then take back what you said and tell the truth. You think it might make you look bad, but it actually makes you look better. People are drawn to people with integrity, and even if they don’t like what they hear at first, they appreciate and respect you for who you are.

Whatever it is that you want to accomplish, put yourself in the mindset of someone who is already there. When you do this you will transport yourself to the other side of the huge wall that your subconscious is putting up to block you from accomplishing your goal. Why the mind does this I don’t know, but I do know that we can trick it to work in our favor, and it doesn’t take much effort at all. Practice makes perfect, and don’t worry…nobody’s watching

“Choice, not circumstances, determines your success.”

-Author Unknown

Consider there are multiple realities, alternate universes if you will. In addition to that, consider that we can drift in and out of each one from moment to moment depending on the choices that we make. We may stay in one for a while, and then switch over to another depending on what we choose, given our circumstance at the time. None of these realities are good or bad, right or wrong or anything in between. They’re just different paths that lead to different lives.

My father was the only one of five children in a very poor family who made it out of his small town in Oregon, the only one who went to college, and the only one to have any type of career success. He grew up in the same circumstances as his siblings, and with the same opportunities. Why was he different? He made different choices.

We all know stories like this. Some siblings end up in jail while the others have incredible success. Some go to college while others don’t. Some make a lot of money while others live paycheck to paycheck. Again, none of these are good or bad, right or wrong, or anything in between. They’re just different paths that lead to different lives.

Don’t be a victim to your circumstances anymore, because the reality is you’re not. You’re just on a certain path that leads to a certain place, and can change that path in any given moment depending on the choices that you make. Remember, it is never too late to change your path, never.

“A great man is always willing to be little.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Consider these notions:

Those who are great want to be amongst the people, those who are not want to be above them.

Those who are great understand that no matter how much knowledge they have accumulated, there’s an infinite amount still to learn. The others get a bit of knowledge and stop listening.

Those who are great want to teach others how they got to where they are. The others want to keep their secrets to themselves (but what they don’t realize is that the moment they do that they stop growing)

Those who are great stand up for the people, with the people. The others need attention.

Ways to become littler:

1) Be a constant student

Teach when given the opportunity, but learn always. You’d be amazed at how much you can learn from your students.

2) Listen

Truly listen, as if what they’re saying can change your entire world…because it can.

3) Care

Feel what people feel, be there with them, be them.

4) Connect and be a connector

Pay-it-forward at its finest. Listen for ways you can help people connect with other people who can help them.

5) Meditate

All of the Greats are thinkers. Meditation isn’t about clearing your mind of all thoughts, but about focusing on one single thing. Some focus on their breathing, some on challenges they are having, some on the future. Be there with your thoughts and you’ll figure everything out.

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” -T.S. Eliot

Are you the risk-averse or the risk-inviting type? Neither is good or bad, and each has its own advantages and disadvantages. Each carries its own pitfalls and opportunities, and each can move you forward in life.

You’ve heard the phrase “big risk, big reward,” and there are numerous examples showing that if you want to win big or be really successful you’ve got to also put a lot at stake. Gambling, the stock market, professional athletics, and just about any occupation carries that same inherent system.

The other side to that, though, is “big risk, big failure.” This is what makes the analytical types shy away from the risky ventures…they’re not safe. It doesn’t make sense to them that someone would risk so much for a “possible” gain, not even a definite gain! I admire these types of people because they’re even keeled and have slow steady growth throughout their lifetime.

All of that said; let’s get back to the quote: “only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” Those who do not push themselves to (or past) their own limitations will never get to see what they are actually capable of.

My decision to up and move to Latin America is not about me pushing myself to my limits, but me actually going and living there is. I’m worried about not being able to communicate with anyone on a daily basis (because I don’t speak the language), but I know that will pass as I learn Spanish. Living with a family that I’ve never met, or even communicated with, will challenge me in ways that I’ve never imagined. It’s exciting, and scary, and awesome all at the same time. Who knows what will happen, but I know it’s important that I put myself out there and see just how far I can go. Know what I mean?

How about you? Are you holding yourself back from doing anything? Why? Are you putting yourself out there? If not, why not? If you care to share in the comments section below, PLEASE DO!

Flickr Credit: Wrote

So I’m about to embark on the longest journey of my lifetime…and I’m not freaking out. Quite frankly, the fact that I’m not freaking out is kind of freaking me out a little! Well not really, but I think it’s a bit strange. Mostly because everyone around keeps asking me if I’m excited, nervous, anxious, scared, worried, and all of the other emotions that would arise in this type of situation.

My conclusion is that I’ve done a lot of work on learning how to live in the moment and enjoying what I have right here, right now. In this case it’s my friends and family. I won’t be seeing some of them for four months, and most of them for about a year. I’m trying to focus on the important things before I leave: (1) spending time with them (2) doing all of the little things (immunizations, etc) that need to be done before I go (3) earn as much money as I can in the next three weeks.

All of this makes me think about a different kind of peer pressure – emotional peer pressure (EPP). Remember that song O.P.P.? “You down with O.P.P.? Yeah you know me” Just thought of that for some reason. Damn that song was popular, and it was about being a home wrecker. Gotta love what makes the hit list! Anyway, we all know about the normal kind of peer pressure where your friends try to get you to do something that you’re apprehensive to doing. That type is obvious and you can easily spot it, but this other kind (EPP) is a bit tricky because people aren’t overtly telling us what we should do or feel; it’s more of an implied thing. Yes, there’s obviously an emotional aspect to normal peer pressure, but what I’m talking about with EPP is being influenced emotionally (changing the way we feel about something) by somebody else when we naturally wouldn’t have felt that way, based on how we normally operate and function in the world.

Take the example of me not being freaked out about leaving the country to live somewhere where I’ll need to quickly learn the language and will be living with a family that I don’t know and teaching English in a place that I won’t be assigned to until I get there. Some people would freak out about that and some wouldn’t. I am not. But, if I fed into everyone around me telling me (in one way or another) that I should be freaking out, then I would be taking on emotions that would have never been there in the first place. I would be taking on O.P.E. – if you guessed “other people’s emotions” then you obviously loved that old school rap song…and I applaud you

We, as humans, do that all the time though. Other people tell us their opinion on what WE are going through, and that opinion is often times what they would feel if they were in our situation (which they’re not). That does not mean that you should feel that way! No way Jose, you are your own person with your own feelings and your own way of dealing with things, and there’s nothing wrong with the way you do it. Now, if you don’t like the way you think, feel, or process things and want help in changing that, then yes definitely seek advice (from professionals, not friends) and change that for yourself. Otherwise, let those people deal with things they want to, and you deal with things the way you want to. Deal?

“Real difficulties can be overcome, it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.” –Theodore N. Vail

Flickr credit: Richard Parmiter

I’m going to be bold enough to state that in any given person’s lifetime, (s)he will have 100 times more imaginary difficulties than real ones. What do you think?

If we go through a typical week and imagine all of the difficulties, even the big difficulties, we would realize that much of what we think is a difficulty is actually just a small challenge that is blown out of proportion. What we like to do is create an entire story around this “challenge” so that we can get emotionally involved in it and make ourselves feel justified for being in a bad mood and mistreating people. For example, if your boss makes you stay late at work you might think “Why does she always do that? Does she hate me or something? Why doesn’t she get someone else to do it? I was supposed to go out to dinner for my anniversary tonight!” Then you stay at work late all the while cursing your boss in your mind and stressing yourself out. Sound familiar? Or could you at least see that happening to you?

That’s just one small example, and even if it wouldn’t pertain to you I think you could imagine a scenario where you blew something out of proportion and made a small challenge seem like a big difficulty. The cool thing about coming to grips with this reality is that you now have a choice! You can now see yourself adding an entire story around this challenge, adding your emotions to it and listening to that voice in your head tell you how unfair it is. In that moment you have a choice to either feed into that fallacy, or rise above it and handle that small challenge like the insignificance it truly is.

Here are 5 simple steps to getting out of your (imaginary) difficulties:

1) Realize that it’s all in your head

Well it is! It’s that voice in your head that’s stating its opinions about your performance and abilities, what you “deserve” & “need”, and everything in between. Quiet that voice, thank it for its concern, and move onto something more productive. Truly assess the “difficulty” without adding any emotion, then either handle it like the small challenge that it is, or prepare yourself if it actually is a large difficulty.

2) Have gratitude…for yourself

If you’re in a funk and don’t seem to have that confidence that you usually do, challenges will follow you around like those annoying gnats that hover over your head and won’t go away. Chances are you’re not acknowledging yourself for all of the work that you’ve put in and all of the abilities you’ve earned. Instead of having the attitude of “c’mon, I’ve worked and worked on this, what’s wrong with me?!”, try out a more productive approach like, “wow, I’ve done so much work and put so much time into this, that’s really impressive. I know I have everything I need to be successful, I’m going to be great!” Sometimes all it takes is that simple switch of attitude.

3) Compliment others

This works for me all the time. For example, when I’m missing all of my shots in a basketball game I get so heated (pissed off)! That anger is REALLY amplified when the guy I’m guarding is making all of HIS shots! But something magical happens when I let that go and genuinely congratulate my opponent on making his shots. The pressure goes away and I can see again, and it no longer seems like a big difficulty, just a small challenge that can be easily fixed. The point with this step is to stop making everything about YOU, and get a bit more grounded in reality.

4) Practice

Every time you practice, not only do you build on your skillsets, but you also further solidify your confidence in that area. My highschool basketball coach had a saying that has stuck with me over the years: “practice doesn’t make perfect…perfect practice makes perfect.” So if you’re going to take the time to practice, do it right, and with everything you’ve got. Confidence supersedes almost any challenge. You’ll be amazed at how many of those “difficulties” seem to disappear the more you practice.

5) Let go of past mistakes

Holding onto past mistakes is one of the (if not THE) main contributors to your lack of confidence and overwhelming amount of challenges on a daily basis. They do not define you, so don’t allow them to. Think about them, learn from them, then let them go to rest. When you carry them along with you, all you do is set yourself up to repeat that mistake. Then guess what…you get all bummed again and mistreat yourself, continuing the downward cycle. Instead, think deeply about that mistake, take in any lesson you can get from it, then let it go.

Have you had success with getting out of your head and treating these small challenges as what they truly are…rather than blowing them out of proportion? Let us know in the comments below – who knows, you might actually help another reader!

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” – Dalai Lama

Dictionary.com’s definition of Religion:

Re-li-gion (noun)
A set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a super human agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.

So the Dalai Lama’s set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe is Kindness. Kindness makes his world go ’round. I don’t consider myself Buddhist, but I can get behind that.

I know that what I’m about to suggest is a pipe-dream, but try to imagine a world that is filled with kindness. As if the general code of conduct were actually kindness. How would your day at work be different? How would you treat your body differently if you were kind to it? How about your mind and spirit? The truth is that you could live in that world just by being kind to others…and to yourself.

Kindness has an intrinsic power to it that cannot be explained with words, only experienced by doing. Try it out for an entire day and see what happens.

Here are 3 ways to get your kindness juices flowing:

1) Be kind to yourself

This is very easy for some and very difficult for others, but very important regardless. You must fill yourself with kindness before you can have any left over to give to others.

2) Intentionally help somebody today (random acts of kindness)

Sure, we may open the door for somebody or allow someone to go in front of us into an elevator, but those are “everyday” acts of kindness. What I’m talking about is a more active approach that looks like this: (1) See an opportunity to help someone in a bigger way (2) Help them, regardless of your excuses.

3) Treat your significant other/sibling/best friend differently than you’ve ever treated them before

This is actually going to take a lot more effort than you think. Whether you realize it or not, you and this person have created a system of communication and a system of treating each other. Think about when you first meet someone and don’t really know how to talk to him/her. It’s a little awkward, right? But after a while you get to know each other better, and start to form a system in which you communicate with one another. That system may never change for the rest of your relationship with that person…but it is possible to change it with some effort.

So think about how you and this person communicate with one another in a negative way. Maybe you talk over them and don’t listen as much as you could, or perhaps you talk down to them like they’re your younger sibling (even if they actually are). Switch that up for a day and communicate with them as if they know far more than you ever will and listen to them as if everything they say turns to gold. Something amazing is going to happen and you’re going to realize something very important, I guarantee it.

Now go out there and do these things today or tomorrow, then come back and tell me how it went in the comment sections below. Seriously, take on this mission!

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” -James Thurber

This is the essence of living in the present moment.

The past has gone, the future has not yet arrived, but the present will always be here. You can create something out of nothing when you “look around in awareness.”

Don’t worry, the future will get here.

It’s great to strategically plan for future difficulties, but be careful not to place fears in the future and create those difficulties. When we worry about the future, sometimes we imagine what might happen, and sometimes our images are negative. What if everything we imagined came true? Of course that isn’t true, but it is true that we tend to gravitate toward what we focus on. So if you do imagine the future (even if there is a difficult situation coming up), imagine it in a positive light.

It’s important to be at peace with the past.

It is sometimes necessary to recall events from the past, but be careful not to invite the negative feelings along with them. Those feelings should have no space in the present moment, no room to breathe and spread like wildfire. If you don’t come to peace with those past events and people, they will continue to control your present and future. If you need to confront someone in order to come to peace with it, do so. It’s not worth carrying around with you, and it’s inhibiting your growth.

There truly is nothing but the present moment.

The past and future exist only in our minds, but the present exists in every part of us. Take a deep breath and let it out, feel the chair you’re sitting on and the clothes you’re wearing, smell the aromas around you, and really take the time to taste the food you’re eating and the beverage you’re drinking. Quiet your mind, highten your senses, and breathe. Just for a moment – do it now for 5 breaths. No matter how busy you think you are, you have 15 seconds available right now to do this.

“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.” -William Feather

This is never more apparent than right now in this economy. Some say this is the worst depression that businesses in America have ever seen. We’ve all witnessed buildings in our towns closing down and boarding up their doors, even the ones that have been there since we were children. Those companies, though, that have been able to hang on are the ones that will have the advantage over the next five to ten years, they will be the ones that will blossom.

The medium to large companies have cut the fat (downsized), trimmed the fat (minimized bills/overhead), and bruised the fat (forced their employees to take on the jobs of 2 or 3 others without paying them more). They’ve done what they’ve deemed necessary to survive, and they have survived. Sure, they will lose great employees who they overworked and mistreated, but I’m sure they included those losses in their calculations.

How about all of the starups that have come and gone over the past 3 years. Banks tightened up their lending and it became more and more difficult to obtain small business loans, let alone find investors to buy into them. There are, however, quite a few of them that have been able to hang on through this tumultuous time.

What about all of those people who were laid off a few years ago and became “consultants”? They difinitely haven’t had it easy, by any means. But if they’re still here, they’ve had some form of success. They surely experienced the same struggles as everyone else, yet they persevered and were able to hang on.

At times, success is merely surviving, or hanging on. If you were one of the survivors, pay it forward by teaching others what you learned (trust me, you will benefit from it more than they will). If you didn’t survive, seek out guidance from people and businesses that did. The differences are probably small yet mighty, and next time you’ll be amonst the ones who were able to hang on.

I would love if you shared your story of survival or “failure” with us in the comments section below (even anonymously). We can all learn, no matter what the outcome was.